There’s so much conflicting information out there about what it takes to get in shape. I’ve coached hundreds of people over the last 6 years and have found that the rules of the game have changed. I am a firm believer in the idea that you should never settle for less. If you want something, you should go out and get it. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than you deserve or want.
If you want to live a longer life and avoid potential health problems, you’re going to want to avoid the “parent” bod. That’s right, you heard us right. The dad bod is a dangerous trend that’s becoming more popular by the day. Here’s why it’s unhealthy — and how you can avoid the “parent” bod.
Most people lose motivation to exercise after they have children, and most people don’t get the body of their dreams. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, but the challenge seems unavoidable. After all, who has time to go to the gym when you’re constantly trying to keep up with your kids? Not only that, your schedule seems too difficult to even make meals for yourself, let alone for your kids as well.
Over the course of this article, I’m going to share the exact ways you can take care of yourself while ridding those feelings of guilt, shame, or that you need to settle because “that’s just how life goes as a mom”
It’s hard to be your best self when you feel like you can’t do anything
As a father of two amazing young boys, I have gone through the ups and downs on the scale and my waist circumference. Admittedly, I did not do a great job not putting on weight as my wife did through her first pregnancy. I will give myself some credit, I didn’t gain as much weight with our second-born as I did our first.
One thing I realized when trying to take that weight off, is that I just genuinely did not feel good about myself. I was heavier than I was comfortable with, I was short of breath during some routine activities, and my food choices were not fueling me with the vitamins and minerals I needed to thrive as a parent.
That led me down a path of what I now call “Angry Dad” where I would get worked up over the smallest things, typically because of how I felt about myself. Getting dressed to go out was not fun at times, neither was working out (when I made time) because my knees and back were constantly acting up. I was not living up to my potential as a dad and it hurt.
Something had to change. I did not want to settle for this and I knew that deep down. I had already come from a place of unwanted weight gain throughout my teenage and early adulthood. Coming from a place of self-conscious behaviour, I needed to make a long-lasting change for my family. I didn’t want my sons to go through the same thing I had throughout adolescence.
What to do when you want to make a change but feel powerless
Now, I can only speak for myself here but I know that change is hard. It’s even harder when you are tired, overwhelmed, and just looking for moments to yourself when you can just breathe. Since shifting gears in my business over the last 2 years (and by watching my wife), I have learned more and more about motherhood and all of the things that they go through after having a baby. It is freaking hard.
Raising a child puts your mind in a different direction as you no longer focus on your needs and wants – but the child comes first for nearly everything. This is what I’ve deemed “mom syndrome” – incredibly common and one of the main reasons why so many women struggle with reaching their health and fitness goals after having children, even if they were in great shape beforehand.
I understand that it can feel like you’re not giving your child everything that they need when you take time out of your day to prioritize yourself, but the exact opposite is true. When you take control of your health and fitness, you are creating an even better future for your family.
This is the biggest struggle I’ve seen with mothers: one on hand they want to shed some body fat, exercise, eat healthier, and generally feel good about themselves again; but on the other hand, they feel like they are too busy taking care of everyone else in their home and whatever they need falls by the wayside.
Sound familiar?
Let’s dig a little deeper.
You are worth so much more than the way you look
You are worth so much more than you way look. Settling for a “parent” body is way more about how you feel that your physical appearance. The body just comes as a product of our daily habits and behaviours. Whenever I speak to a mother about possibly joining my coaching program, the word confidence comes up almost immediately. They don’t feel the same way in their clothes, their body, and their mind. If they’re feeling this way, it’s unlikely that they are showing up in the best possible way for their family. How could they?
Having negative thoughts about yourself is normal, sure, but when you’re constantly consumed by them, it can make every day feel like a struggle. But that’s where it all starts, in the mind. Many of these women (and some men) feel like they don’t attract their partner’s attention anymore because of how they look. You are worth so much more than the way you look.
I can tell you firsthand that even if I’m not having the best mental health day, if I show up and aim to be my best self with healthy habits, I automatically feel better and that translates into confidence. Having confidence in yourself or your body will not happen overnight, and sometimes you do have to “fake it to make it”, but when you start putting in efforts towards that lasting change you want, confidence follows almost immediately.
At the end of the day, your confidence comes from your actions, not the other way around. And more importantly, sitting there focusing on how you look or what you should look like is really what’s taking your energy away from becoming that new version of yourself.
There are ways to improve your appearance without surgery or drugs – learn how here!
I am proud to say that not a single person I’ve worked with has used any drugs or wild extreme measures to see the results that they wanted when they finished the program. And that’s just it right? You want the results, but I’m sure you want the results in a way that allows you to keep them long term.
So if I told you that you don’t need to automatically cut out bread, pasta, wine, beer, pizza, donuts, etc. you would believe me right? Because you have tried cutting all those things out, and where did it lead you? Not to mention, that restrictive mentality keeps you in a loop of feeling deprived instead of satisfied which makes you want those “bad” foods even more. It doesn’t have to be that way.
The way I help my clients see amazing results is with a more flexible eating approach. Yes, there is some structure and there are targets and habits we need to follow, but at the end of the day – you’re never going to be married to eating the same things for the rest of your life just to lose the weight and be able to keep it off.
Improving your appearance doesn’t just come from the food you eat, although it helps. The way in which you workout can strongly affect how your body looks over time. Many parents are looking for that muscle tone or definition along with energy to bring confidence to their every day lives. They want to feel strong, keep up with their kids, feel sexy on date night with their spouse and just feel damn good about themselves. This is why strength training is so important in conjunction with proper nutrition.
Weight training with the goal of getting stronger over time is literally a golden ticket to the body you want. No more HIIT cardio sessions, endless walks on a treadmill, or circuit training that just leaves you sweaty and tired. You need to build some lean muscle and consistent weight training is how you get there.
The best way to do this is to lookl at your schedule and really determine how many days you can commit to working out. If it’s 3, that’s fine. If it’s 4, that’s fine too. You just need to be 90% confident that you can complete all the sessions necessary in the allotted time you have. Once you determine that, you can make a training schedule and implement it consistently over the course of 4 weeks at a minimum before making any changes.
Making these two things a priority is exactly what you need to improve your appearance to your liking without surgery or drugs – it’s incredibly possible if you’re ready to put the work in.
We all have our own goals in life – don’t let society’s standards get in the way of achieving yours!
I will say this: not everyone needs a 6 pack; nor does everyone want one. And that’s okay. Your goal does not have to be about getting ripped for the beach or having the strongest squat in your gym. Your goals are your goals. If you just want to have more energy to play with your kids and have your clothes fit a little better – there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re anything like me, and you want other dads to look at you in envy and other moms to wish they had a husband like you – there’s nothing wrong with that either.
You should never feel ashamed to admit your health and fitness goals. You’re not vain for wanting to be comfortable strutting your stuff on the beach. You worked hard to get there. The point is that you need to get to the root of why you want to make these changes. Are you lacking confidence at home and in the workplace? Are you not connecting with your spouse the way you used to? Do you have underlying health issues in your family that make you worry about your kids futures? Once you can figure out “why”, nothing can stop you from achieving your goals.
The last thing I want for you is to get sucked in to what you think you should want based on comparing yourself to other or society standards all the time. It’s a losing battle. Your health and fitness journey is for you. Then it’s for your family because they benefit from you being at your best.